if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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