If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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