I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
