I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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