yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
