Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
