I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
