Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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