In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
