We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
