Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
