Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Found the puke drawer
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
