I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Someone shit on the floor
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I need a burrito and a hug.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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