I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
That's intense
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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