soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
