theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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