She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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