Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize