I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
