and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
