So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
