Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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