Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
