first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
