We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
