Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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