I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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