apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
