I will die if light touches me.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
