remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
