Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
