You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm at about main and main street
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
