sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
