I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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