I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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