You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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