I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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