Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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