Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
