Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
