covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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