Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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