She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize