does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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