Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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