I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
