He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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