so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
