Betty ford says i'm here all night
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize