even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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