I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize