They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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