Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
