Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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