i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Randomize
