I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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