I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
