I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
