i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
