Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
