i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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