we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
