haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
