Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
