Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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