Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
