dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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