Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
