sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
