spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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