I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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